He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
