I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
