i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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