I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
