so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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