im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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