I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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