so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
