I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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