Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
