Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
