We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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