Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
