Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
