I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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