I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize