God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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