i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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