Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You are the jesus of drinking
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
