We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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