i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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