it hurts more in the daytime
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
