I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize