bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
