If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
