Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
