meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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