I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm drive I can fine osifer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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