the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
