You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I FOUND THE LEGS
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
