i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
there is glitter all over my balls
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