You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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