Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
