apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize