I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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