checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
