There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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