My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize