ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
