She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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