anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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