Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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