i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
