I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
