so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
