I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
