While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
