I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
