So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
