If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
