We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
