I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize