Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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