I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
