Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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