He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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