I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
