WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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