this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
