While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
