you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
