You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize