hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
