you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
