At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
