girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
