Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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